The night I decided to kill myself, I didn’t tell anyone. I sat up for a long time, thinking. Would it hurt a lot? How long before flies started laying eggs in my eyes? Would anyone know I was dead before then? I cried a lot, too. I was living with my grandparents in a trailer in Casco, Maine. The area is really nice, and at night I could hear the wind rustling through the tree leaves and not much else aside from the occasional passing vehicle and lots and lots of crickets. I weighed my options. On the one hand, what had life ever given me? I was just out of high school. I was about to go to college, but for what?…